It’s been almost a year since my last post. I am not particularly proud of this, however my schedule hasn’t exactly allowed much leisure time to write…
Since my last post, I applied to business schools, was offered a position at a great company, left my old job and accepted the position at the aforementioned company, got accepted into a top business school, started (and finished!) my first semester at the aforementioned business school, got into a long distance relationship, and…fell in love.
It’s scary to think that all of those things happened in less than one year. It’s even scarier to think about the stresses, energy, and effort that come with balancing all of those things at once…especially for someone with major anxiety. Sometimes I find myself wondering if I am spreading myself too thin, if perhaps it is worth it to drop something and alleviate the stress and frequent panic attacks. Sometimes thinking about everything that I am juggling and everything that has happened in such a short amount of time gets overwhelming. Was I wrong to try to take on so many things at once?
The answer I have come up with is no. I think this is one of the ironies of life, though: as overwhelming and exhausting as life might be, sometimes the complexities and stresses are exactly what you need. “Did I pick a bad time to go to business school? Is a long distance relationship too much stress to add to my life right now?” My anxious brain asks me these questions more than I’d like to admit, but I think the answer lies in the questions my heart asks me: “why did I want to go to business school in the first place? How would I feel if I didn’t have this relationship? Isn’t my life infinitely better because of it?” Ironically, all of those questions have helped me organize all the jumbled puzzle pieces of my life. Eventually, the puzzle pieces start fitting together and all the overlapping questions and answers of my life have started giving me clarity and the semblance of a clear picture of aligned puzzle pieces.
Do I still worry, panic, and feel overwhelmed? Of course I do. But I also think that all-in-all, the stress is good for me. It teaches me to be stronger and helps me realize that in the grand scheme of things, I wouldn’t change a thing. Sure, I still think about dropping a commitment every now and then, but I can’t hep but remember one very important thing: a lot can change in one year.
Here’s to Christmas, and a 2016 full of possibilities.
